Please, Trend Lightly… On Youtube – 6/27/2017

Lecrae – I’ll Find You

Don’t worry my friend, we’re here to help you: you might have almost listened to an artistic expression that could be described as actually creative or innovative today -BUT DON’T WORRY! YOU ARE SAVED!

Luckily Lecrae and Tori Kelly are here to softly toss those ever so loved and NEVER tired 808-drum snares and hi-hats, accompanied by a lightly auto-tuned and generic sounding hook (though I don’t think Tori is all that bad a singer, she just doesn’t stand out at all, and tries her best to sing in the most trendy of styles). This song also happens to be so bland that it dulls your brain activity, allowing you to forget about all those useless thoughts in your head like: am I just listening to some guy who sounds like Dizzy Wright mixed with Drake? Oh, wait, this is a different artist? But… why?

I’m sure people will love it because it’s like so cool man, and like, speaks to me, and has all the things every other song has too. Nom nom nom more chips-esqe music please, my arteries still work.

 

Calvin Harris – Feels (Official Video) ft. Pharrell Williams, Katy Perry, Big Sean

What is… happening…? Honestly, that was my main thought throughout the entire song.

So we have what SHOULD be a pretty refreshing, fun, and catchy funk beat that just sounds kinda off… unpolished, boring, and generic. How did this obnoxious over-stocked team of artists screw this up?

Look, I’m all about the funk revival train (though, according to intensely ‘academic’ articles as of late, the train has been in a bit of a state of havoc as liberal white people started discovering the bruno mars isn’t actually “black” – causing all kinds of fun cultural appropriation arguments that makes everyone uncomfortable, unsure, and likely aggravated) and while I hated Bruno until Uptown and 24k Magic brought back 80’s and 70’s funk influenced hip-hop back into popular circulation, SOMETHING went horribly wrong with this song.

First of all, I almost ALWAYS love Pharrell – the man has a wonderful falsetto, look, and personality that has been successful for over two decades. However, this song manages to make HIM sound just BAD. It sounds like his voice is unnecessarily auto-tuned (so does everyone’s, actually). Now, I’m not saying it’s terrible, but just extremely underwhelming considering how fresh and clean he normally sounds on almost every beat he’s thrown on.

Big Sean is still not good. He sounds like he’s too cool to care about doing his job well, but only because he’s convinced himself that he’s actually Drake.

Katy Perry… What is-what are… “FEEELSHhh”… Sounds so untalented and uninterested, here. Katy Perry is either dialing it in, or thinks she’s being seductive? I personally like to believe they are all just as bored performing this song as I am listening to it.

Thanks guys. Bruno Bars was doing just fine bringing an actual musical genre back to mainstream, and now you guys are ruining it already. (It’s not really THAT bad, but if you look at it closely… it’s pretty damn hollow and boring in comparison to other funk revivals).

 

Nick Jonas – Remember I Told You ft. Anne-Marie, Mike Posner

New Theme: Everyone just sounds like goddamn Drake

It’s like Nick Jonas was trying to make a Justin Timberlake song, but doesn’t have the same raw singing talent (at least not on this track, anyway), so instead he tried to make a Drake song, but doesn’t have the raw singing talent or personality, and finally resulted in a Drakerlake song that sounds like 20 or 30 different songs in this past week that I heard for about a few seconds on the radio before changing the station to the polka station to hear REAL music…

The light funk influence in the background of the instrumental at parts are… welcome, and the production overall is decent, but feels very jumpy and the song doesn’t feel like it wants to stay around long. It’s basic, somewhat effective, and is only annoying if you are a sane human being.

Also, why is Mike Posner rapping here? He’s usually singing… role swapping, eh? Well, he sounds alright over the beat, though he’s not saying anything important (but was anyone listening for anything important?), so kudos to Mike Posner for his wonderful 25 second contribution.

The song is okay, Nick Jonas is okay, Anne-Marie isn’t even on the song long enough to verify being okay, and Mike Posner is still not auto-tuned [NOT VERIFIED – MAY BE ACTUALLY AUTO-TUNED]. You’ll like it if you like the light dancey pop-music that everyone is making.

 

 

 

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